Once Upon A Time
by La Mort Kage
Summary: When belief fails, when all the lights go out, when you think you're all alone, what do you do? Do you cry, do you defy it? Or do you accept that you are alone?


I can see the angels dancing, black and white wings amid a blood red sky. They feel the pull, and the world tumbles into darkness, for temptation shall always win.  
  
There is nothing left, no one to save us from our own stupidity. We ask for forgiveness, and we feel at rest, convincing ourselves that we were forgiven. And yet, why do I still feel the pain if I've asked Him for forgiveness a hundred times over? Yet, every time it's mentioned, or spat in my face, I remember the cold numbness, the heartless anger, and the pitiless brute force that made me hurt her so much. And I know that I was not forgiven.  
  
The world is empty. Heaven is only a dream we set before ourselves so that death in all its oblivion should not scare us. I do not know if I am afraid. I don't care if you are afraid. Hell does not exist. Heaven is an illusion. This life is all we have, and yet we squander it away. Why should any of us fear death? It is the ultimate release, the truest form of rest. I would like to sleep. Sleep would feel so nice, to lie down in the sand and sink away from all conscious thought and die. Yes, I do not know if I fear the act of dying, but I do not fear death.  
  
I believe that there are angels. I do not believe that there is a high omnipotent being controlling them, or us. I believe that they are creature that has evolved farther than us, and chooses to watch us out of amusement of our pathetic, backwards ways of thinking. Sometimes they wish to not only watch, but to help and guide as well. They are better in us in every way except one. They cannot let us see them. I don't know why, maybe they can't, or maybe they fear our brutality and prejudice and numbers and that is the reason. I would like to see one though, even if I would only think of it as a dream and be very afraid.  
  
The church has taken advantage of so many things. What can I do? Nothing. I am of no concern to them, only as a person to worship their knowledge and, in effect, them as well. We confess to them our sins, we let them tell us how to talk to your God, and mine once upon a time. But telling them your sins is the truest form of control they can have. After all, if you were to act foolishly in church, they might tell someone. The church is an evil place.  
  
And yet, I love churches. The architecture, the beauty, and enormous silence and grandness of it all. I love those buildings, in which every Sunday I used to go and listen to people sing hymns, and be bored and restless. Now I have going stopped for several years. I don't know if I'll ever go there again. Places like that are for the devout, not me. I lost the foolishness of faith a long time ago, and I've never regretted it.  
  
Why do people want to believe in God? I know that the church created Him initially for power and wealth, and back in a day the church ruled everything, whether the people knew it or not. Everyone feared eternal damnation, and so they feared to go against the church. Now? The churches have turned themselves slightly, but I do not trust a false hope. Commoners? They fear the eternal damnation, and gravitate to the idea that there will always be someone watching out for them, ready to forgive them at a moments notice. Like a dotting parent figure. I do not like the idea, and I think it's impractical for a foolish and insolent child to be forgiven constantly. If they are, they will grow up to be spoilt brats. A real pity and that is what most people are today. Spoilt, because they believed that no matter what horrible wrong they commit, God will forgive them and that makes it okay.  
  
Now I could be wrong. Totally and absolutely wrong, and now I'm going down to burn in hell with Satan for my doubt. But where then is your God's infinite patience? Or I could be right and I can say I told you so. But in the long run, what does it matter? God isn't going to help you ace that test, or save your life when you're in danger. Only people can do that, whether it be a friend, a family member, or yourself, we're all we've got left.  
  
We are humanity and we are sin itself. Eve brought this glorious gift to us and I thank evolution for our imagination. Sin keeps us alive. We are sin. And I am thankful. 


End file.
